The article: No More Cooties! When Your Teen is Attracted to the Opposite Sex.

Your Question:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 14 weeks now and we have never actually gone on a date at all. Is that O.K. or is it just plain weird?

Dear Reader,
This is a question I get a lot! There’s a perception that “dating” means going out for sushi or to parties all the time, but really, that’s not usually the case. In fact, actual dates can be overrated. What really matters is that you’re having fun with your boyfriend — whether you’re studying or just hanging out watching “The Secret Life of The American Teenager.”

But, since you’ve been together for 14 weeks and it sounds like you want to go on a real date, you should make some fun plans for a night out. First step? Let your boyfriend know that you want to go on a date. Anytime you want anything in a relationship, you need to ask for it. No guy is a mind reader. Plus, he’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re coming up with some ideas. Suggest a movie you think you’d both like or even an afternoon picnic. Remember that dates don’t have to be expensive to be fun!

xxx
Sarah

(Picture credit of Ask Me Help Desk)

Your Question: I’m a generally a good person and a good girl. I don’t lie to my parents. I don’t really misbehave. My average in school is 104 and I rank #1. I have to be a physician. And I’ve never really had any interests in boys until my junior year. The guy’s name Mark and I’ve known him since freshmen year. He’s fit, and is really handsome with dimples to match. He’s 16 like me and he gets by in the institute with 85s and 90s but a lot of the time, he’s a kind of like a bad boy and is a little immature. He actually came to class with a hickey on his neck. I liked him but he found out and he asked me out but I said no because my parents doesn’t allow me to date until I’m out of high school. Now he asked me out again and said that he tied to impress me by getting 101 average, taking up music, joining sports teams and club. I didn’t know that he was pushing for me so much. I want to say yes so bad but I can’t lie to my parents and date him behind their backs. I haven’t talked to them about it, but they won’t let me date him. They’re really protective of me because I’ve had bone and lung cancer. What should I do? We’re both 16. And I really don’t want to stray from my studies.

Dear Reader,
The parent-boyfriend battle is almost like a time-honored tradition. I can’t tell you how many times I disagreed with my own parents about how old I should be when I started dating and which guys were right for me. Your parents just want to keep you safe. They still think of you as their little girl — even though you’re 16 now, with a totally normal and healthy interest in guys. The fact that you’re a lung cancer survivor is incredible! But it probably doesn’t lessen their need to keep you close to home. You’ve all been through a lot, and they want to make sure you’re OK.

Start things off slow with Mark. Become friends first and see how things go. By easing into things with him, you can also ease your parents in. If he’s your friend first, they’ll have a chance to get to know him, and you’ll have a chance to see if you’re really interested in a relationship. And, you can keep your studies in focus at the same time. Then, if you’re ready to take the leap into a more serious relationship, you’ll be ready — and you’ll be able to help your parents adjust. Timing and honesty are everything.

Just remember, life is really all about balance. You’re smart to think about your long-term priorities, but you also have to follow your heart, and there is a way to do both. Trust yourself, and you’ll be just fine.
xxx
Sarah

Your Question:
My boyfriend just broke up with me … or maybe, I broke up with him? I’m not really sure exactly what happened really … but the point is: it’s over. And now I’m boyfriendless. All my friends have boyfriends. I’m always the single one. This guy, he was my first boyfriend since the 6th grade. And I’m in high school! Why don’t guys like me??

It just makes me feel really, pathetic! Like I’m some kind of failure. My friends always tell me, “Don’t worry, you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” But it’s easier for them. They have boyfriends. When everyone is going to the dance, or it’s Valentine’s Day, or the school is selling flowers for a fund raiser, they have nothing to worry about.

It just makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me? Is that why there aren’t any guys who like me?

I’m in HIGH SCHOOL. I should be getting a new boyfriend practically every week. But not even the losers like me.
~Freak and don’t know it?

Dear Reader:
Sometimes, being boyfriend-less can intensify the feeling that everyone in the world has a boyfriend. But just because you don’t have one at the moment doesn’t mean you’re a freak or pathetic. A lot of girls tie their self-worth to their relationship status. But it’s important to know how to be single — that’s when you find out the most about yourself, which is a key to a good relationship. In the end, having a boyfriend isn’t going to solve all your problems.

As for feeling like no one likes you, I can tell you from experience that it’s either feast or famine when it comes to guys liking you. I swear it will happen when you least expect it. In the meantime, go out and have some fun with your friends (and their boyfriends!). Not every night is date night. And who knows who you’ll meet while you’re out having a good time.
Have fun!
Sarah

This might sound harsh, but abusive relationships are no joke, and abusive behavior can’t be tolerated on any level, by anyone. I’m not privy to details of Chris and Rihanna’s personal relationship, and I hope he’s enough of a man to apologize directly to her and not just his fans, but I also hope she doesn’t take him back. Not because she has to be an example for other women (even though she’s become one by default), but because no woman should be with a man who doesn’t respect her enough to keep his hands off of her.

I wanted to share this Teen Dating Bill of Rights, courtesy of LoveisRespect.org – a national teen dating abuse hotline. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship or is in a relationship that seems like it’s on the verge of becoming abusive, please talk to some you trust. Get some help. There are guys out there who will treat you right and you deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and happy.

Teen Dating Bill of Rights

I have the right:

• To always be treated with respect – In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
• To be in a healthy relationship – A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
• To not be hurt physically or emotionally – You should feel safe in your relationship at all times.
• Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault – Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
• To refuse sex or affection at anytime – A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions.
• You have the right to not have sex – Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
• To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend – Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
• To end a relationship – You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.

I pledge to:

• Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
• Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
• Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection.
• Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
• Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.

But what does “I would totally hook up with him” really mean?

Teen Vogue jumps right into the issue with a new article Modern Romance. The tell-all subtitle, From Kissing to ‘Sexting’ – Today’s Hook Up Culture is Changing How Teens Think About Relationships,  is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. But when you start reading, you realize that there isn’t one (and only one) pervasive hook-up culture because there isn’t actually one definition of hooking up. For one girl it’s just making out, for another it could be anything and everything except sex. That’s a big difference covered by one very commonly used term.

So what does that mean for you?

The one common denominator in hooking up is that it doesn’t lead to a relationship. You aren’t going to make-out with some guy and wow him with your kissing prowess (even though you probably are a fab kisser). It just doesn’t work that way. So before you hook up with with someone, make sure you know what you want to get out of it and what you’re comfortable with. Do you want this guy to take you out next weekend? Are you expecting him to text later saying how good it was to talk to you? 99.9 % of the time, hooking up isn’t going to get you any of this – that’s just not the expectation that’s set up around it. It’s a one-time deal with a one-time guy. And most of the time, you want better than that. But you have to decide for yourself. Don’t let him – or even “the cool kids” as they’re called in the article – make you feel like hooking up isn’t a big deal. When something involves you, it’s always a big deal. And hooking up is ultimately all about you.

Here's a quick shot of the segment on ABC News Now

I love the parenting host of ABC News Now, Annie Pleshette Murphy. She’s really in touch with what’s happening on the YA scene and had some good questions during our interview about BOYOLOGY. One of the recurring questions I’m getting from TV anchors and radio hosts is, “So how different IS it being a teenager today than when we were teens?”

But before I go into differences, I have to say that the butterflies, the heartbreak, the awkward first phone conversations are still the same. Not much really changes when it comes to love. But technology has added a few elements to dating, so here’s a quick primer:

1. CELL PHONES: Welcome to easy, breezy, and lower-risk communication. Texting can make that initial conversation less awkward because you’re not face-to-face. But that said, you can’t do the whole relationship by text. Make sure you can actually talk to each other. And be sure you’re smart about what you send out. This is important for everything you do online. I’ve heard some heartbreaking stories from girls who sent pics of themselves to boyfriends that were then sent to everyone. Remember that once you hit send – on anything! – you lose control of it.

2. FACEBOOK: I will just say, I love facebook. I’ve reconnected with some old friends and it’s an easy way to keep up with people. But when it comes to break-ups, facebook can make things that much more painful. The broken heart icon, having everyone comment on your wall to see what happened, not knowing whether or not to de-friend your now “ex.” I always say, when you first break-up with someone, step away from the computer and take a little break. Give yourself at least a day to think things over before you have to face the barrage of “friends” online.

3. IM’ing: So much easier than email. And emoticons can be cute, unless used to often and then they’re just annoying. But again, tone is hard to read. (Even with those smiley faces.) One guy I met told me his girlfriend broke up with him because he wasn’t “emotive enough” over IM. Seriously? This guy really liked her and I think he still does. But how many guys are really going to write love poems over IM? How do I love thee… I wouldn’t count on that. Remember, you must talk! IM is for quickie conversations or when you’re stuck in the library and everyone is shushing you.

It’s been one of the best days ever – and it’s not over yet! I leave tonight for Phoenix and the start of my BOYOLOGY book tour. If you live in Phoenix, Salt Lake City or Seattle, come see me! Not only do I want some company, but these bookstores ROCK! Changing Hands, King’s English, Third Place Books, not to mention libraries!…these are what author dreams are made of.

PHOENIX, AZ – Thursday, June 4th @ 7:00pm
Changing Hands
6428 S. McClintock Dr.
Tempe, AZ 85283
480-730-0205

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Friday, June 5th @ 7:00pm
The King’s English
1519 S. 1500 E.
Salt Lake City, UT 84105
801-484-9100

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Saturday, June 6th @ 11:00am
East Millcreek Library
2266 Evergreen Ave.
Salt Lake City, UT 84109
801-944-7622

SEATTLE, WA – Sunday, June 7th
Ft. Lewis Military Base @ 12:30pm
Building 5280 Pendelton Avenue
Ft. Lewis, WA 98433

Third Place Books @ 5:30pm
17171 Bothell Way
Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
206-366-3333

And mark your calendars for one of my all-time favorite stores, RJ Julia in Madison, Connecticut.

MADISON, CT – Wednesday, June 24th @ 7:00pm
RJ Julia Booksellers
768 Boston Post Road
Madison, CT 06443
203-245-3959

Tomorrow (Monday), I’m taping an interview on Oprah Radio‘s Dr. Laura Berman Show to talk about teen relationships and dating. Dr. Berman – who’s a mom, bestselling author, therapist (I could go on and on) – is taking the parent’s point-of-view and I’ll be representing teens, talking about everything from how cell phones have changed teen relationships to how to really talk to your parents. And before I go on, I want YOU to tell ME what matters to you when it comes to dating.

What’s your situation? What do you need to know and what do you want your parents to know?

Send your thoughts and questions my way and and I’ll take them to the Oprah Radio studio tomorrow. The show airs Tuesday, June 2nd, at 5:00pm and 11:00opm Eastern. And I’ll be twittering during the interview, so you can find me that way, too.

And then, Wednesday morning, I’m hitting the Today Show to be the teen voice with Dr. Michele Borba. I’ll take your questions there, too. REPRESENT!

And without further adieu…the review! (I’ve bolded the really good parts just to make myself feel good.)

FROM PUBLISHERS WEEKLY:

This humorous guide provides insight into the elusive universe of boys, using questions, answers and quotations from real teens. Nebulous topics like “hooking up” (“by definition, hook-ups don’t lead to boyfriends”) and being “just friends” (in one image, a beaming girl is clearly thinking “skateboarding partner” while the boy beside her has a heart in his thought bubble) are addressed with oodles of pop-culture literacy. The plethora of “how to” sections (an illustrated guide to kissing), lists (including mood-setting playlists featuring Avril Lavigne and Sleater-Kinney) and “Extra Credit” quizzes provide an entertaining tour of love and dating etiquette for beginners. More seasoned daters may find the advice formulaic. Ages 13-up.

But really, how many of us are “seasoned daters”? (OK, I admit it. That wasn’t in the review. But it’s a valid question, don’t you think?)