Your Question:

Dear Reader,
Sometimes moms (well, all parents for that matter) know just how to embarrass you! You want to keep your period on the down-low but you know you’re mom, and you know that she’s probably going to make a big deal out of it. So how do you talk to her without her overreacting (even if it is in a positive way)?

Why don’t you try writing her a note to get the conversation started? You can take all the time you need to put your feelings and thoughts down, including the fact that you think she’s going to make a bigger deal out of this than you want her to. Be honest and tell her that you want to be able to talk to her, but you need her to be really low-key about it and help make the whole conversation more comfortable. Ask if you can set up a time when just the two of can talk about it (you might have some questions after all, and she’s been dealing with this for years). Then, suggest that when you do talk, you do it somewhere private, so you don’t have to worry about a little brother, your dad, or anyone else barging in. Be sure to leave the note on her pillow or in her makeup drawer – somewhere she’s sure to find it. After your mom gets your note, she’ll have a better sense of where you’re coming from. And she’ll probably even relate a little. Maybe she felt the same way with her mom!

The good side of talking to your mom is that she will have some advice (sometimes cramps and things like that run in the family, so she might really understand your symptoms and feelings) and ultimately make your period easier to handle. She’ll also be able to help keep your supplies well-stocked and make appointments with your doctor when you need them.

Use your note to set the tone of the conversation. Your mom will likely follow your lead. And don’t worry about feeling like this. Remember that it’s your period and it’s ok to feel like you don’t want it blown out of proportion.

Good luck!
xxx
Sarah

Your Question:

-Musicgirl

Dear Musicgirl,
I remember the lunchroom scene well. During my sophomore year of high school, none of my friends were in my lunch period, and it was the most stressful part of my day. I was always really anxious about who I was going to sit with and what we were going to talk about. Eventually, I realized that if I wanted someone to sit with, I was going to have to make the first move.

You see, to have friends, you have to be a friend. And to become a friend, you have to put yourself out there. By that, I don’t mean you have to randomly text total strangers in your grade, but find little ways to start talking to new people.

Maybe your teacher assigns a group project. Ask someone you want to get to know if you can be her partner, and suggest you study at coffee shop one afternoon. Make the project an excuse to hang out and get to know each other better. You might find out you have a lot in common.

Or maybe there’s a club or group you could join to meet some new friends. I know it sounds overwhelming to walk into a room where you don’t know anyone, but if you like music, see if there’s an afterschool band that needs a new member. Or if you like writing, try to write a story for the school paper. There are a lot of ways to meet new people once you start looking. And while it’s always scary to put yourself out there, you just have to take a deep breath, remind yourself that these people would be lucky to be your friends, and go for it. After all, how many people don’t want a new friend in their lives?

One important thing to remember: When it comes to friends, a few real friends — the kind you can open up to and talk about everything, even if they aren’t in your lunch period — are a million times better than a lot of fake friends. So be sure to value the friendships you have and let your true friends know how important they are to you.

Let me know how it goes in the lunchroom!

xxx
Sarah

dear Sarah,

-Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

First of all, good for you, standing your ground. You’re smart not to let anyone push you farther than you want to go. It’s hard to do, especially when you really care about someone and it sounds like you really cared about this guy. I’m sorry he doesn’t have enough class to talk to you face-to-face about breaking up. Even though you know now that he isn’t good enough for you, it still hurts to have someone treat you badly.

I know it’s not going to help the hurt, but you got lucky finding out what kind of person this guy is before you let the relationship go any farther. Anyone who is not adult enough to deal with your limits is not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.

My advice is to give yourself some more time to get over him and get this bad breakup out of your system. And I want to remind you that there are decent guys out there—guys who will respect your boundaries and love you for who you are, not how far you’re willing to go. So don’t give up on guys completely! When you’re ready, you’ll know. Until then, don’t be too hard yourself and take the time you need before moving on.

xxx
Sarah

Dear Reader,
I’m so glad you asked this question. So many of the girls I know have felt exactly like this. There’s a lot of pressure to look a certain way and if you don’t, you might feel unattractive. The truth is, and I know this sounds cheesy (but it’s true!), beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

The first step to feeling good about how you look is finding, and playing up, what makes you beautiful. My friend (and favorite makeup artist, Carmindy) calls this “feature focus.” Take a step back from the mirror. Think about your favorite feature. Maybe it’s your big eyes or your soft hands or the fact that you don’t have to flat-iron your hair when you want to wear it straight. Now, what can you do to emphasize this favorite part? Maybe some simple mascara or a manicure will make it pop. I’m not into a lot of makeup (and most guys aren’t either!) but sometimes a little something can give you that extra oomph you need and help boost your confidence. And remember that beauty comes from within, too. The fact that you can play Beethoven’s entire 5th Symphony on the piano or can do Beyonce’s “put a ring on it” dance, makes you beautiful.

Now, about the guys. Self-confidence is contagious. People want to be around those who make them feel good about themselves. And part of having self-confidence around other people is to not think so much about how you look. You won’t hear a really funny joke if you’re focused on whether or not your lipgloss is the right color. Try to enjoy the moment. You’ll have more fun and the guys you meet will, too!

xxx
Sarah

And when you need a little reminder of what beauty really is, re-watch this Dove video on the distorted view of beauty in magazines:

Your Question: Ok so I really, really, really like this guy who happens to be one of my best friends and I’ve known him my whole entire life our families are really good friends. We don’t go to the same school but I see him on weekends with our families. I want to tell him that I like him and I have tried a couple of times but I got to nervous. Any ideas on how to tell him?

Thanks!
Annabeth

Dear Annabeth,
Crushing on a friend can be really nerve-wracking but it makes total sense. After all, you know him really well, as a friend first, and he probably knows you well, too. You know his sense of humor, what makes him nervous or upset, and how he treats his family – all important things to know about a potential boyfriend.

Since it can be overwhelming to come right out and say that you like someone, you can start dropping some pretty obvious hints that you like him.

First, since it sounds like you spend most of your time hanging out around your families, try suggesting that the two of you do something different. Not an official date, but maybe there’s a movie that you want to see or a school activity you want him to come to. If he seems up for being with you in a new situation, it’s a good sign that he might have feelings for you, too. See how it goes. If he seems to respond to your flirting (and is flirting back!), you’ll be able to tell if there might be a future for you two as a couple.

And then comes the big part – really telling him how you feel! Yes, you have to do it at some point. After all, you want to be able to be honest and straightforward in a relationship. But you can wait to profess your love until you’ve tested him out a little. Go out a few times and introduce him in to your life during the week. You’ll know when the moment is right. And in the meantime, have a great time getting to know him better and hanging out in different places. The process leading up to the relationship can be really fun, so enjoy it!

xxx
Sarah

dear sarah,

Sincerely,
Girl with a Confused Heart

Dear Girl with a Confused Heart,
Sometimes uncertainty can drive you crazy! That in-between feeling—when you’re not exactly sure of what you want and you can’t tell what he’s thinking—is almost worse than flat-out heartbreak. But when you’re having doubts about whether or not you like a guy, it means you might not be all that into him, and that’s a good first sign of where your heart is. Don’t worry that you liked him 6 months ago when you first started dating. You’re allowed to change your mind. In fact, that’s why dating and breaking-up go hand in hand. First you like someone, then you get to know him better and you end up either liking him more or not as much. That’s what dating is all about! And if you don’t ever see each other, maybe that’s another sign it’s
time to move on. I’m not saying break-ups are easy. In fact, even when you’re ready for them, they can be hard. But you won’t be in a position to meet the next guy you might really like if you stay with someone you don’t.

xxx
Sarah

Your Question:
My boyfriend just broke up with me … or maybe, I broke up with him? I’m not really sure exactly what happened really … but the point is: it’s over. And now I’m boyfriendless. All my friends have boyfriends. I’m always the single one. This guy, he was my first boyfriend since the 6th grade. And I’m in high school! Why don’t guys like me??

It just makes me feel really, pathetic! Like I’m some kind of failure. My friends always tell me, “Don’t worry, you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” But it’s easier for them. They have boyfriends. When everyone is going to the dance, or it’s Valentine’s Day, or the school is selling flowers for a fund raiser, they have nothing to worry about.

It just makes me wonder, is there something wrong with me? Is that why there aren’t any guys who like me?

I’m in HIGH SCHOOL. I should be getting a new boyfriend practically every week. But not even the losers like me.
~Freak and don’t know it?

Dear Reader:
Sometimes, being boyfriend-less can intensify the feeling that everyone in the world has a boyfriend. But just because you don’t have one at the moment doesn’t mean you’re a freak or pathetic. A lot of girls tie their self-worth to their relationship status. But it’s important to know how to be single — that’s when you find out the most about yourself, which is a key to a good relationship. In the end, having a boyfriend isn’t going to solve all your problems.

As for feeling like no one likes you, I can tell you from experience that it’s either feast or famine when it comes to guys liking you. I swear it will happen when you least expect it. In the meantime, go out and have some fun with your friends (and their boyfriends!). Not every night is date night. And who knows who you’ll meet while you’re out having a good time.
Have fun!
Sarah

I have a new advice column on ABC Family’s website for their hit show The Secret Life of the American Teenager, which I watch religiously (and would even if I didn’t have the column!).

dear sarah looks at questions from teenagers across the country and I’ll be posting new stuff every single week, which I’ll link to here and on my twitter. You can comment and send in new questions. I especially love the comments because it’s like a conference call with people from all over. Everyone has something to say and there’s some good advice in there!

The first column is all about how guys act one way when they’re alone with you and another way when their friends are around…common problem, right?

Here’s the exact question: I think this guy likes me!! But when he’s with his friends and me he doesn’t talk to me that much. When it’s just me and him alone, he always talks to me!! Does he like me? (And you can read my answer here.)

So, what do you need help with? Anything. Everything. Just ask!