Your Question:

Dear Reader,
Sometimes moms (well, all parents for that matter) know just how to embarrass you! You want to keep your period on the down-low but you know you’re mom, and you know that she’s probably going to make a big deal out of it. So how do you talk to her without her overreacting (even if it is in a positive way)?

Why don’t you try writing her a note to get the conversation started? You can take all the time you need to put your feelings and thoughts down, including the fact that you think she’s going to make a bigger deal out of this than you want her to. Be honest and tell her that you want to be able to talk to her, but you need her to be really low-key about it and help make the whole conversation more comfortable. Ask if you can set up a time when just the two of can talk about it (you might have some questions after all, and she’s been dealing with this for years). Then, suggest that when you do talk, you do it somewhere private, so you don’t have to worry about a little brother, your dad, or anyone else barging in. Be sure to leave the note on her pillow or in her makeup drawer – somewhere she’s sure to find it. After your mom gets your note, she’ll have a better sense of where you’re coming from. And she’ll probably even relate a little. Maybe she felt the same way with her mom!

The good side of talking to your mom is that she will have some advice (sometimes cramps and things like that run in the family, so she might really understand your symptoms and feelings) and ultimately make your period easier to handle. She’ll also be able to help keep your supplies well-stocked and make appointments with your doctor when you need them.

Use your note to set the tone of the conversation. Your mom will likely follow your lead. And don’t worry about feeling like this. Remember that it’s your period and it’s ok to feel like you don’t want it blown out of proportion.

Good luck!
xxx
Sarah

Your Question:

-Musicgirl

Dear Musicgirl,
I remember the lunchroom scene well. During my sophomore year of high school, none of my friends were in my lunch period, and it was the most stressful part of my day. I was always really anxious about who I was going to sit with and what we were going to talk about. Eventually, I realized that if I wanted someone to sit with, I was going to have to make the first move.

You see, to have friends, you have to be a friend. And to become a friend, you have to put yourself out there. By that, I don’t mean you have to randomly text total strangers in your grade, but find little ways to start talking to new people.

Maybe your teacher assigns a group project. Ask someone you want to get to know if you can be her partner, and suggest you study at coffee shop one afternoon. Make the project an excuse to hang out and get to know each other better. You might find out you have a lot in common.

Or maybe there’s a club or group you could join to meet some new friends. I know it sounds overwhelming to walk into a room where you don’t know anyone, but if you like music, see if there’s an afterschool band that needs a new member. Or if you like writing, try to write a story for the school paper. There are a lot of ways to meet new people once you start looking. And while it’s always scary to put yourself out there, you just have to take a deep breath, remind yourself that these people would be lucky to be your friends, and go for it. After all, how many people don’t want a new friend in their lives?

One important thing to remember: When it comes to friends, a few real friends — the kind you can open up to and talk about everything, even if they aren’t in your lunch period — are a million times better than a lot of fake friends. So be sure to value the friendships you have and let your true friends know how important they are to you.

Let me know how it goes in the lunchroom!

xxx
Sarah

Your Question:

Dear Reader,
First-kiss jitters can make you really nervous about “the moment,” even when you want (and are expecting) the kiss! So the first thing you’ve got to do is stop worrying. It sounds like you really like this guy, and that’s the main ingredient for a good kiss — chemistry. And since it’s there, the rest will come together when the two of you start to kiss.

You see, kissing is like riding a bike. Even when you haven’t ridden one in a long time, once you get back on, it comes right back to you. The same thing will happen when your new boyfriend kisses you. You’ll suddenly remember how to do it, even if you are a little nervous. And sometimes, getting back on the bike (or kissing again after a six-month break) makes you look at things in a new way (like a cute new guy), and you’re even better at it!

The fun part is that everyone has a slightly different kissing style, so your new boyfriend might kiss a little bit differently than your last one — and that’s OK. Don’t feel the need to kiss a certain way. Try to enjoy the moment and relax a little. Kissing is meant to be fun! And if things aren’t perfect the first time — say you two bump teeth or he goes in and accidentally kisses your ear instead of your lips (these things can happen with even the best of kissers!) — just smile and laugh a little. If you’re comfortable, he will be more comfortable, and that makes for much better kissing. The key is that you really like each other. And what could be better than kissing someone you’re crazy about?

Have fun!

xxx
Sarah

Your Question:

Dear Reader,
That’s a tricky one. Do you tell your friend and risk him being angry and taking it out on you? Or do you keep quiet and let him find his own way, knowing that eventually he’ll find out his girlfriend’s been cheating?

When it comes to dilemmas like these — tricky situations that could ruin a friendship — you should ask yourself two questions.

First, what’s your real reason for wanting to spill the beans? Think of it like this: Do you want to tell your friend his girlfriend is cheating because a little part of you might want to be his girlfriend? Be honest with yourself. If your reasoning is at all selfish, then you just need to stay out of it. And keep in mind that, most of the time, getting in the way of a relationship just makes things messier — not just for that relationship, but for your friendship too.

That said, here comes Question No. 2: What would you want a friend to do if the situation were reversed? Take this particular friend out of it and imagine you’re dating someone totally different and a friend comes to tell you he’s cheating. You might be suspicious, and you might take your hurt feelings out on the friend. Or you might be grateful that someone had the guts to tell you before you got too deep into the relationship.

Since every situation — and every friendship — is different, there’s a different way to handle this every time. Just think long and hard before you make the decision to break the news. If you do tell your guy friend, be sure to do it in private and, no matter what, DO NOT trash-talk the girlfriend. Keep it to facts, because it’s hard to hear that your girlfriend is cheating on you, even if it’s true. There’s no need to rub it in.

Good luck!
xxx
Sarah

dear Sarah,

-Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

First of all, good for you, standing your ground. You’re smart not to let anyone push you farther than you want to go. It’s hard to do, especially when you really care about someone and it sounds like you really cared about this guy. I’m sorry he doesn’t have enough class to talk to you face-to-face about breaking up. Even though you know now that he isn’t good enough for you, it still hurts to have someone treat you badly.

I know it’s not going to help the hurt, but you got lucky finding out what kind of person this guy is before you let the relationship go any farther. Anyone who is not adult enough to deal with your limits is not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.

My advice is to give yourself some more time to get over him and get this bad breakup out of your system. And I want to remind you that there are decent guys out there—guys who will respect your boundaries and love you for who you are, not how far you’re willing to go. So don’t give up on guys completely! When you’re ready, you’ll know. Until then, don’t be too hard yourself and take the time you need before moving on.

xxx
Sarah

Dear Reader,
I’m so glad you asked this question. So many of the girls I know have felt exactly like this. There’s a lot of pressure to look a certain way and if you don’t, you might feel unattractive. The truth is, and I know this sounds cheesy (but it’s true!), beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

The first step to feeling good about how you look is finding, and playing up, what makes you beautiful. My friend (and favorite makeup artist, Carmindy) calls this “feature focus.” Take a step back from the mirror. Think about your favorite feature. Maybe it’s your big eyes or your soft hands or the fact that you don’t have to flat-iron your hair when you want to wear it straight. Now, what can you do to emphasize this favorite part? Maybe some simple mascara or a manicure will make it pop. I’m not into a lot of makeup (and most guys aren’t either!) but sometimes a little something can give you that extra oomph you need and help boost your confidence. And remember that beauty comes from within, too. The fact that you can play Beethoven’s entire 5th Symphony on the piano or can do Beyonce’s “put a ring on it” dance, makes you beautiful.

Now, about the guys. Self-confidence is contagious. People want to be around those who make them feel good about themselves. And part of having self-confidence around other people is to not think so much about how you look. You won’t hear a really funny joke if you’re focused on whether or not your lipgloss is the right color. Try to enjoy the moment. You’ll have more fun and the guys you meet will, too!

xxx
Sarah

And when you need a little reminder of what beauty really is, re-watch this Dove video on the distorted view of beauty in magazines:

Your Question: Ok so I really, really, really like this guy who happens to be one of my best friends and I’ve known him my whole entire life our families are really good friends. We don’t go to the same school but I see him on weekends with our families. I want to tell him that I like him and I have tried a couple of times but I got to nervous. Any ideas on how to tell him?

Thanks!
Annabeth

Dear Annabeth,
Crushing on a friend can be really nerve-wracking but it makes total sense. After all, you know him really well, as a friend first, and he probably knows you well, too. You know his sense of humor, what makes him nervous or upset, and how he treats his family – all important things to know about a potential boyfriend.

Since it can be overwhelming to come right out and say that you like someone, you can start dropping some pretty obvious hints that you like him.

First, since it sounds like you spend most of your time hanging out around your families, try suggesting that the two of you do something different. Not an official date, but maybe there’s a movie that you want to see or a school activity you want him to come to. If he seems up for being with you in a new situation, it’s a good sign that he might have feelings for you, too. See how it goes. If he seems to respond to your flirting (and is flirting back!), you’ll be able to tell if there might be a future for you two as a couple.

And then comes the big part – really telling him how you feel! Yes, you have to do it at some point. After all, you want to be able to be honest and straightforward in a relationship. But you can wait to profess your love until you’ve tested him out a little. Go out a few times and introduce him in to your life during the week. You’ll know when the moment is right. And in the meantime, have a great time getting to know him better and hanging out in different places. The process leading up to the relationship can be really fun, so enjoy it!

xxx
Sarah

dear sarah,

Sincerely,
Girl with a Confused Heart

Dear Girl with a Confused Heart,
Sometimes uncertainty can drive you crazy! That in-between feeling—when you’re not exactly sure of what you want and you can’t tell what he’s thinking—is almost worse than flat-out heartbreak. But when you’re having doubts about whether or not you like a guy, it means you might not be all that into him, and that’s a good first sign of where your heart is. Don’t worry that you liked him 6 months ago when you first started dating. You’re allowed to change your mind. In fact, that’s why dating and breaking-up go hand in hand. First you like someone, then you get to know him better and you end up either liking him more or not as much. That’s what dating is all about! And if you don’t ever see each other, maybe that’s another sign it’s
time to move on. I’m not saying break-ups are easy. In fact, even when you’re ready for them, they can be hard. But you won’t be in a position to meet the next guy you might really like if you stay with someone you don’t.

xxx
Sarah

Your Question:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 14 weeks now and we have never actually gone on a date at all. Is that O.K. or is it just plain weird?

Dear Reader,
This is a question I get a lot! There’s a perception that “dating” means going out for sushi or to parties all the time, but really, that’s not usually the case. In fact, actual dates can be overrated. What really matters is that you’re having fun with your boyfriend — whether you’re studying or just hanging out watching “The Secret Life of The American Teenager.”

But, since you’ve been together for 14 weeks and it sounds like you want to go on a real date, you should make some fun plans for a night out. First step? Let your boyfriend know that you want to go on a date. Anytime you want anything in a relationship, you need to ask for it. No guy is a mind reader. Plus, he’ll probably appreciate the fact that you’re coming up with some ideas. Suggest a movie you think you’d both like or even an afternoon picnic. Remember that dates don’t have to be expensive to be fun!

xxx
Sarah

(Picture credit of Ask Me Help Desk)

Your Question: I’m a generally a good person and a good girl. I don’t lie to my parents. I don’t really misbehave. My average in school is 104 and I rank #1. I have to be a physician. And I’ve never really had any interests in boys until my junior year. The guy’s name Mark and I’ve known him since freshmen year. He’s fit, and is really handsome with dimples to match. He’s 16 like me and he gets by in the institute with 85s and 90s but a lot of the time, he’s a kind of like a bad boy and is a little immature. He actually came to class with a hickey on his neck. I liked him but he found out and he asked me out but I said no because my parents doesn’t allow me to date until I’m out of high school. Now he asked me out again and said that he tied to impress me by getting 101 average, taking up music, joining sports teams and club. I didn’t know that he was pushing for me so much. I want to say yes so bad but I can’t lie to my parents and date him behind their backs. I haven’t talked to them about it, but they won’t let me date him. They’re really protective of me because I’ve had bone and lung cancer. What should I do? We’re both 16. And I really don’t want to stray from my studies.

Dear Reader,
The parent-boyfriend battle is almost like a time-honored tradition. I can’t tell you how many times I disagreed with my own parents about how old I should be when I started dating and which guys were right for me. Your parents just want to keep you safe. They still think of you as their little girl — even though you’re 16 now, with a totally normal and healthy interest in guys. The fact that you’re a lung cancer survivor is incredible! But it probably doesn’t lessen their need to keep you close to home. You’ve all been through a lot, and they want to make sure you’re OK.

Start things off slow with Mark. Become friends first and see how things go. By easing into things with him, you can also ease your parents in. If he’s your friend first, they’ll have a chance to get to know him, and you’ll have a chance to see if you’re really interested in a relationship. And, you can keep your studies in focus at the same time. Then, if you’re ready to take the leap into a more serious relationship, you’ll be ready — and you’ll be able to help your parents adjust. Timing and honesty are everything.

Just remember, life is really all about balance. You’re smart to think about your long-term priorities, but you also have to follow your heart, and there is a way to do both. Trust yourself, and you’ll be just fine.
xxx
Sarah