What Hooking Up Really Means

You can’t talk about relationships today without also talking about hooking up. And even though I do a lot of talking about teen relationships, it’s not just a teen thing. Most of my friends -  successful, smart and pretty women in the their late 20s and early 30s – also talk about hooking up. In the middle of watching The Proposal last weekend, my friend C leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I would totally hook up with Ryan Reynolds.” I giggled. I’m sure almost every girl in the theater was thinking the same thing.

But what does “I would totally hook up with him” really mean?

Teen Vogue jumps right into the issue with a new article Modern Romance. The tell-all subtitle, From Kissing to ‘Sexting’ – Today’s Hook Up Culture is Changing How Teens Think About Relationships,  is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. But when you start reading, you realize that there isn’t one (and only one) pervasive hook-up culture because there isn’t actually one definition of hooking up. For one girl it’s just making out, for another it could be anything and everything except sex. That’s a big difference covered by one very commonly used term.

So what does that mean for you?

The one common denominator in hooking up is that it doesn’t lead to a relationship. You aren’t going to make-out with some guy and wow him with your kissing prowess (even though you probably are a fab kisser). It just doesn’t work that way. So before you hook up with with someone, make sure you know what you want to get out of it and what you’re comfortable with. Do you want this guy to take you out next weekend? Are you expecting him to text later saying how good it was to talk to you? 99.9 % of the time, hooking up isn’t going to get you any of this – that’s just not the expectation that’s set up around it. It’s a one-time deal with a one-time guy. And most of the time, you want better than that. But you have to decide for yourself. Don’t let him – or even “the cool kids” as they’re called in the article – make you feel like hooking up isn’t a big deal. When something involves you, it’s always a big deal. And hooking up is ultimately all about you.

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Posted in Boyfriends, Teens | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Behind the Scenes of a (Kick-A$%) YA Book Blog

Jordyn Turney, aka Ninja Jordyn, is the voice behind Ten Cent Notes and a rising star on the YA scene.

Jordyn Turney, aka Ninja Jordyn, is the voice behind Ten Cent Notes and a rising star on the YA scene.

I first met Jordyn Turney (19-year old writer, YA book blogger, and Twitteraholic) when I was working on How to Raise Your Parents last year. She reviewed it for her then-blog and we got to know each other. So, when I heard she launched her new blog Ten Cent Notes, I had to get her to share the skinny on life as a real YA book blogger. Here goes:

Q: You’ve been blogging about books for a few years now, and have even been published. (Check out Jordyn’s piece in RED.) How did you become such an expert in all things YA?
Short answer? By being very focused and also obsessed.
Longer answer? I’ve had the goal of writing in the YA genre for years and knew that I needed to learn everything I could about how the publishing industry operates, the differences between what’s considered YA versus adult, and anything else YA-relevant. I also love reading YA (it makes up the bread and butter of my admittedly large reading diet) and thanks to the book blog I’ve been able to interact with some amazing YA authors and find out even more about the genre and industry.

Q: So, with all of your reading, you must have some great book suggestions. What three “teen” books do you think everyone should read?
Ah! Great question! It’s sometimes very arbitrary what gets published as YA versus adult – I think there are a lot of really amazing YA books that adult readers (and even many older teen readers who just don’t read teen books) haven’t heard of. If I had to pick three, I’d suggest you all (YES, EVERYONE READING THIS.) check out:

  1. The Rules of Survival by Nancy Werlin. It’s incredible. It’ll break your heart and make you grateful and hopeful.
  2. Sweethearts by Sara Zarr. It has a completely cutesy cover that hides an amazing interior. It’s about the bonds we have with others that are truly unbreakable and the way those people influence us. Definitely one of my favorite books ever.
  3. Paper Towns by John Green. It’s about the way we view others and how we don’t always view them authentically. Really amazing. Also, John Green is just a genius writer.

It was nearly impossible to only choose three. There are many incredible YA books the world needs to hear about!

Q: You give each book you review an actual letter grade. How do you break it down?
I break it up into ten different elements, each worth ten points. Premise, Plot, Characters, Relationships, Setting, Themes, Voice, Ending, Reccommendability (which isn’t a real word), and Fangirly (which just means how much did I personally love the book?). In addition, I also talk a little bit at the end about who would enjoy this particular book, because not everything appeals to everyone. It’s pretty in depth and I enjoy doing the reviews this way, I just hope they aren’t too long for readers.

Q: YA seems to have taken off as it’s own category in the last few years. Why do you think that is?
I’m sure there are a lot of reasons but I think a lot of it is due to such talented authors (like Sarah Dessen) who write seriously great stories that happen to have a lot of adolescent angst and issues in them. The abundance of great writing has really opened up YA as its own genre instead of an add-on to children’s literature (which I also love). YA today is a lot different from the way people – even people who are 19 or 20 like me – think of it. It’s not ghostwritten serials like Baby-Sitters Club (which I loved, by the way) or Animorphs anymore. It’s really amazing stories, authors, and characters.

Q: There are obviously great things to come from you. What’s are you working on next that we should keep our eyes out for?
Well, I’m working on a lot but I’m not sure how much of it will actually see the light of day. I’m writing periodically for the iheartdaily website as one of their teen recommenders. The blog (Ten Cent Notes) is huge for me right now, and I’m working with a few other YA bloggers to set up a sort of online writing group especially for those interested in YA. I’m also starting a new novel and trying to find an agent to represent me.

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“New” YA Blogs I’m Reading…and Loving

I am a creature of habit. I will eat the same sandwich for weeks at a time (Pret-A-Manger‘s cheddar and apple is my current selection), listen to the same song over-and-over (Who’s to Say by Vanessa Carlton-DO NOT make fun of me), and even wear the same pair of jeans days in a row (gasp!).

Which is why I was so happy to “discover” these 10 new YA blogs. Now, I say “discover” loosely, because I know that many readers have probably known about these for a long time. And yet, I had to share them, just in case you’re a creature of habit like me and haven’t found them quite yet…

PS. These aren’t in any particular order. I love them all. And if I missed any, comment and let me know. Like I said – I’m always looking for something great to break the old habits.

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Posted in Books, Teens | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Talking About Teen Dating on ABC News

Here's a quick shot of the segment on ABC News Now

Here's a quick shot of the segment on ABC News Now

I love the parenting host of ABC News Now, Annie Pleshette Murphy. She’s really in touch with what’s happening on the YA scene and had some good questions during our interview about BOYOLOGY. One of the recurring questions I’m getting from TV anchors and radio hosts is, “So how different IS it being a teenager today than when we were teens?”

But before I go into differences, I have to say that the butterflies, the heartbreak, the awkward first phone conversations are still the same. Not much really changes when it comes to love. But technology has added a few elements to dating, so here’s a quick primer:

1. CELL PHONES: Welcome to easy, breezy, and lower-risk communication. Texting can make that initial conversation less awkward because you’re not face-to-face. But that said, you can’t do the whole relationship by text. Make sure you can actually talk to each other. And be sure you’re smart about what you send out. This is important for everything you do online. I’ve heard some heartbreaking stories from girls who sent pics of themselves to boyfriends that were then sent to everyone. Remember that once you hit send – on anything! – you lose control of it.

2. FACEBOOK: I will just say, I love facebook. I’ve reconnected with some old friends and it’s an easy way to keep up with people. But when it comes to break-ups, facebook can make things that much more painful. The broken heart icon, having everyone comment on your wall to see what happened, not knowing whether or not to de-friend your now “ex.” I always say, when you first break-up with someone, step away from the computer and take a little break. Give yourself at least a day to think things over before you have to face the barrage of “friends” online.

3. IM’ing: So much easier than email. And emoticons can be cute, unless used to often and then they’re just annoying. But again, tone is hard to read. (Even with those smiley faces.) One guy I met told me his girlfriend broke up with him because he wasn’t “emotive enough” over IM. Seriously? This guy really liked her and I think he still does. But how many guys are really going to write love poems over IM? How do I love thee… I wouldn’t count on that. Remember, you must talk! IM is for quickie conversations or when you’re stuck in the library and everyone is shushing you.

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Come See me at RJ Julia Tomorrow!

RJJulialogoJust a reminder that I’m going to be at RJ Julia in Madison, CT, tomorrow at 7:00pm for my new book BOYOLOGY. I’d love to see some friendly faces so if you’re in the hood, be sure to drop by!

Visit RJ Julia’s website for more event details or drop me an email: asksarahb@gmail.com.

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New York Daily News on “The Battle of the Hemlines”

Did Britney start the short-skirt trend? No, it's been going on WAY longer than she has.

Did Britney start the short-skirt trend? No, it's been going on WAY longer than she has.

New York Daily News editor Rosemary Black interviewed me on Friday for a story she wrote (in today’s paper) called “The Battle of the Hemlines: Teens Stick up For Short Skirts.” We talked for a while about why fashion matters to teens and I kept thinking about it all weekend. Here are my thoughts in a nutshell:

It’s not just about looking good, it’s declaring yourself to the world. Fashion is such a visible way to make a statement and one of the few ways, as a teen, you have control over so you can say something. I remember coming down the stairs before school (many, many times) and having my mom raise her eyebrows and my dad say, “You are NOT going to school in that.” And I know this happens to a lot of my teen friends. Hemlines might be slightly shorter now, but things don’t change that much. We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

Be sure to check out the article and read about the teenagers in the UK who went on strike when their school declared NO MORE SHORT SKIRTS. Here’s a snippet:

Warned that their skirts were too short to wear to school, more than 100 British high school students decided they’d rather drop out for a day than drop their hemlines.

Last week, the students at Upton-by-Chester School in Chesire, England, organized a walkout on Facebook, reports the London Daily Mail, and proceeded to hold a “peaceful protest.”

At issue were the teensy skirts that head teacher Jane Holland said made male teachers walking behind the girls confused over “where to look.” Holland added that “despite repeated warnings, skirt lengths have got even more ridiculous.”

The students, rather than skirt the issue, aired their grievances in the school dining room as teachers listened, according to The Daily Mail, and then proceeded to hold their protest.

So what should win out — fashion, or old-fashioned values?

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Amazon Rank: The Author Obsession

Every author obsesses over her Amazon ranking. (Come on, you know it’s true.) I took these snapshots the day I was on the Today Show for Boyology and I watched (almost minute by minute) as my ranking went from 70,000 to 400! I know it’s kind of ridiculous and completely self-indulgent, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t re-freshing the page every 10 minutes that entire day. 400 is the lowest (aka best) I’ve ever been. And it felt good.

AmazonRank592

The first time I checked after the Today Show. #592.

A few hours later, I drop to #482. Lots of screaming and a celebratory phone call to my sister.

A few hours later, I drop to #482. Lots of screaming and a celebratory phone call to my sister.

# Four-freaking-hundred!!! Yes, more screaming. More phone calls. Yay!

# Four-freaking-hundred!!! Yes, more screaming. More phone calls. Yay!

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Teen and Tween Media Trends: A Very Unofficial Study

Here I am, posting this blog, photographing myself with my iPhone. I feel pretty tech-y, if I do say so myself.

Here I am, posting this blog, photographing myself with my iPhone. I feel pretty tech-y, if I do say so myself.

Big companies are endlessly studying how teens (and tweens) are consuming media. (You know the studies and articles I’m talking about: “Teens are on Twitter” – “Facebook is the new MySpace” – “Texting is the end of Communicaton as We Know it!”) But the most interesting study I’ve read recently is one on The Way We Watch blog. The blogger is a dad, and he chronicles the media consumption of his two tween-agers – a 9-year old son and 12-year old daughter. While it’s not completely balanced, I think it’s more revealing than many of the Poynter Institute media studies I’ve seen in a long time. So, I decided to add my own media consumption habits as an alternative study case. And now I’m wondering, what does this all say about me?

29 year-old girl:

  • Books are not dead (same as 9-year old boy AND 12-year old girl). Each day I have to swim though stacks of books just to find the door from my apartment to the outside world. Most recent acquisitions: City of Thieves, The Hunger Games, Love Begins in Winter, Guyaholic. Books I’ve actually finished in the last few weeks: Bitter is the New Black (too bitter for me), Lock & Key, Vegan Virgin Valentine, and The Believers. I do have a Sony eReader, although the only think I really read on it is manuscripts for work. I’m still carrying a paperback with me everywhere I go. Hmmm….maybe that’s why I’m starting to look like a hunchback.
  • Gaming: I recently hooked my wii up to the internet and now can regularly get my butt kicked by strangers who seem to dedicate their lives to Dr. Mario. But I will never give up!
  • Cell Phone: Ok – I sucked it up and got an iPhone. And I’m partially happy with the results. Aside from the fact that I get TERRIBLE, let me repeat – TERRIBLE! – service in Manhattan, I love the apps. Tweetie, Shazam. And yes, Wurdle. I am striving to be Wurdle world champion.
  • Computers: I work on a Mac laptop at work, and an iMac at home. I’m a Mac girl all the way.
  • Websites: Countless hours a day spent on the web. The New York Times for real news, Apartment Therapy for home decor lust, Kayak.com for dreaming about when I’m going to go on vacation next (and how much it’s going to cost), Twitter to stay in touch, Brodi Ashton’s blog (to crack me up – it’s so freaking funny), and if I’m feeling super foodie, I check out the daily recipe on Picky-Palate. Oh, and of course, I check out my own site, thinking about whether or not I really have anything to say in a blog post. Ususally I don’t. But I post anyway.
  • Social Networks: the phrase “social networks” really annoys me, but I’m on them all the time. Facebook and Twitter are my faves. I realized the other day that I knew all about my friend’s breakup even though we haven’t actually spoken about it. So, I’m going to call her tonight. But other than not actually talking to my friends, these are a good way to stay in touch.
  • IM: good for work. Really. Cuts down on so much email for me. My only problem is that I’m a chronic email filer. You know the type. We save everything in precisely labeled sub-sub-folders and can never find it when we really need it. You can’t sub-folder IMs.
  • Movies and TV: I’m a Netflix addict. My husband and I get a few movies a week and this is how we end up watching most of our TV shows, too. I love being able to get back DVDs of shows like Mad Men and The Wire and sitting down and watching them hours at a time. And I’ve recently gotten hooked on Nova (yes, I’m a total dork) since you can stream all the episodes from your online Netflix account. And Hulu – talking about making life easy. We don’t even have a DVR. We just watch everything on our own time. Last movie I watched: He’s Just Not That Into You (on a plane).
  • Magazines: My first true love. I get a TON of magazines at home and keep subscribing through this super cheap website: magazinepricesearch.com. I was crushed when Domino closed, but still keep busy with some of my other favorites: Teen Vogue, O the Oprah magazine, New York, Atlantic Monthly, People, Glamour, Vanity Fair, Seventeen, Real Simple, Nylon, More (I know it’s for 40 year-olds but I love this one!), Every Day with Rachael Ray, I could go on and on.
  • Skype: My parents recently discovered this while traveling. They think they are tech geniuses (I tease them mercilessly) but I actually love being able to really talk to them even though they’re in a different country. The last few days it hasn’t worked and I miss them! Oh, and it’s free. Bonus!
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Posted in Lifestyle, Teens, Uncategorized, Web/Tech | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

What Are Teenagers Really Looking for in Books?

IzzyWillyNillyIt’s a question I’ve been asking myself as I’ve been touring around to bookstores and meeting YA readers and booksellers. And I’m not the only one. The Wall Street Journal‘s recent article It Was, Like, All Dark and Stormy says that today’s teenagers are looking for “tales of destruction and death” but that’s not what I’ve found. Here’s the intro of the piece:

“Until recently, the young-adult fiction section at your local bookstore was a sea of nubile midriffs set against pink and turquoise backgrounds. Today’s landscape features haunted girls staring out from dark or washed-out covers. Current young-adult best sellers include one suicide, one deadly car wreck, one life-threatening case of anorexia and one dystopian universe in which children fight to the death. Somewhere along the line our teenagers have become connoisseurs of disaster.”

But to say that today’s teenagers are only looking for “despair” and “gritty, unsettling books” is to diminish the smart, thoughtful generation of teens that I’ve met while writing and touring. It’s not simply a desire for grit and calamity – it’s the need to read something that relates to the imperfection of day-to-day life. And this desire isn’t something new to teen and tween lit. Just because publisher’s are putting out more YA titles than before does not mean that previous generations of teenagers, including mine, only read The Baby-Sitters Club series. (Admission: I read The Baby-Sitters Club. But I also read, and loved, Cynthia Voigt’s Izzy, Willy-Nilly, Avi’s The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle, and even Toni Morrison’s Beloved.)

Teenagers have always sought books that imitate life and represent the struggles they are facing. And that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. Isn’t that what we all look for in books?

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Start a Band and Rock it!

9780761151418I am one of the least musically talented people I know. Yes, I sing in the shower…but I can’t remember real lyrics to save my life. And even though I play guitar hero on medium, I have to focus with every ounce of my brain power (and it helps if I know the song, otherwise I’m in trouble). But when it comes to real music – ie. playing a real instrument or singing in key – I am lost. But I have a lot of friends who are the real deal. You know, that one friend who does karaoke and actually sounds like Carly Simon. (I have a total girl crush on Carly Simon, by the way.)

If that’s you, there’s a new book called The Girls’ Guide to Rocking and it covers EVERYTHING (seriously) from how to start a band to going solo to which pedal you need for which guitar. I found the book in a recent Salon.com article “No Teeny-Boppers Allowed.” A good article, but hey, there are a lot of teeny boppers out there who have WAY more musical cred than me (and probably the writer behind the article) so who are we to judge? I say, go out, have fun, and ROCK ON! For the rest of us, rock band will have to suffice.

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