sarahburningham.com » Teens

Talking About Pressure from Boys in TWIST magazine

Sarah B — Tue, 15 Mar 2011 13:12:45 +0000

I’m so excited to be in the March 2011 issue of TWIST magazine (yes, that’s Justin Beiber on the cover). They contacted me and asked me to answer some reader questions about pressures from guys, all asked by girls like you. Since it’s a tough world out there and YOU WEAR THE PANTS, I think it’s really important to talk about pressures and how to handle them. Some of the questions TWIST asked are:

Q: What are specific pressures from guys?
Q: How do I avoid physical pressure from guys?
Q: How can I get out of a bad sitch with a guy?
Q: My BF wants to go farther – should we break-up?
Q:What are characteristics to look for in a ‘good’ BF?
Q: How can I hang with him without pressure?

Here’s a sneak-peak at the article, but to see the whole thing, you’ve got to get the magazine. Don’t worry, it’s still on newsstands. And if you have other questions, you can email me or the editors at TWIST! But no matter what, remember that no one, NO ONE, should pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. You deserve respect from guys (and everyone else) so you can have fun and be yourself!

Will Work for Prom Dress: The Hairstyle Tells the Real Story

Sarah B — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 23:59:49 +0000

The talented Aimee Ferris, whose new book WILL WORK FOR PROM DRESS just came out on Tuesday (congrats, Aimee!), has an ongoing PROMAPALOOZA with various YA authors and their prom pics. Here’s the game: she posts the pictures but doesn’t reveal who the author is. Readers guess and then, Aimee lets the secret out. It’s fun – There are prizes! There are jokes! There are monkeys washing kittens! (Ok, not really.)

Anyway, when Aimee asked me for my prom pic, I was all in. I will admit, I loved my dress. Loved it. How often do you wear floor length velvet and satin? Not that often, unless you’re Vanna White (who is STILL on Wheel of Fortune, by the way). And, how often does a nice guy, the guy you have a crush on your senior year, pick you up in a nice car, wearing a tux, give you flowers and a corsage, and then take you to a cheesy room (our prom was at the Capital Rotunda – actually pretty classy for a prom) filled with streamers and bad DJ remixes of the Police and Peter Gabriel.

Actually, our prom theme was “In the Arms of an Angel” based on the Sarah McLachlan song that’s now the theme for animal cruelty. I don’t know who picked that (maybe I voted for it, for all I remember) but at the time, I thought it was very sophisticated. Just goes to show you – tastes can change (thank goodness).

I will also admit that even though I loved my dress, I had a hair disaster a mere hour and a half before my date came to pick me up. A debacle. A total hair nightmare.

Thinking I would be chic like the girls you see in Teen Vogue who look like supermodels going to their proms, I made an appointment with a hairdresser for an up-do. I am NOT an up-do kind of girl. At least I wasn’t then. And now, I only go for up-dos when my hair is dirty and must be pulled back into a bun or I will pull it all out. So, 2 hours before my date comes to get me, I plop myself down in the stylist chair at a local salon. I tell the hairdresser I want to look glamorous. I want to look like the girl in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (couldn’t remember her name in the midst of my prom-ness). The hairdresser smiled, put one of those gross, slick robes over me, and went to work. Not a word. But I thought we were on the same page.

I was wrong. We weren’t even on the same planet. 40 minutes later (amazing how long horror can take to create), she whipped my chair around so I was facing the mirror. I nearly screamed. There I was. Not Tiffany or Holly Golightly or whatever her name is. I was Medusa. I was the devil’s spawn. The hairdresser had wrapped small pieces of hair into what seemed to be tiny dreadlocks and pinned them all over my head. It looked like my hair had come alive and was covered in snakes eating my head. I almost passed out. Thankfully, I was sitting down. But, I didn’t cry – at least not in front of her. I said it was “interesting” (now, my go-to word for WTF!), I forked over the precious, hard-earned $25 I owed her for her “styling,” and I drove home in tears. (Very unsafe by the way. Do not follow my example.)

My mom, honest to the core, was horrified for me. She told me not to worry and to go jump in the shower – hurry! – I could just wear my hair half-up, like I did every other day of my teenage life. She also gave me some solid advice – stop crying or your eyes will be puffy for the entire dance. Sometimes moms are just smart like that.

I thought it was going to be the worst dance ever. But you know what? It was fun. And I wasn’t worried about my hair-do getting messed up while I was dancing because it wasn’t done. You can’t mess up hair that isn’t done to begin with. So I could actually dance. Which means, I actually had a good time. Was it the best night of my life (like you see in so many made-for-tv movies)? No. But it was good. And looking back at the photos, I’m kind of glad I look like myself and not Holly Golightly. (Ok, that’s a lie – I would still kill to look like Holly Golightly/Audrey Hepburn, but you get what I’m going for.)

Does True Love Start with Signing a Yearbook?

Sarah B — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 15:13:12 +0000

I’m still digging out of the mess of stuff I had to send home from my parents’ house over the holidays. There is a lesson here: If you can throw it away, do it. If only I had known that a few years ago.

But, there have been some gems from all this stuff. Last night, I got a serious laugh going through my high school yearbooks. You know that feeling on yearbook day? When you pass your yearbook around and secretly hope the guy you’ve had a crush on all year will admit he’s always loved you too? Or that your best frenemy will apologize for those biting “compliments” she gave you all year?

Well, those were in there. But even better, it turns out my now husband also signed my yearbook. We didn’t ever date, but we had math together, and sewing, although I think he showed up in sewing class a total of 3 or 4 times the entire semester. (PS: how does sewing count as a class anyway? But, I digress.)

So, last night, I discovered that my now husband, total love of my life (I just didn’t know it as a teenager), actually signed my high school yearbook. For the record, we didn’t start dating until after he came home from college the summer after freshman year, but I was crazy in love after the first date. Also for the record, we didn’t get married until well into our mid-twenties. Early for some but right for us. I tell you all this because it’s totally relevant to his yearbook message. You have to see for yourselves:

I’m now on a mission to find his yearbooks from high school to see what I wrote. (He didn’t save any of that stuff because unlike me, he’s not a secret hoarder, but I’m dying to know if I had something so prescient to say.)

Going Back to High School – in Boxes

Sarah B — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 18:52:48 +0000

I went home to visit my parents over the holidays and they had a surprise waiting for me. No, not a new car or even a cashmere sweater. Instead, they pulled out ALL of the boxes of stuff I was saving for posterity (or something like that). All fifteen boxes, each filled to the brim with pictures of friends, notes from boyfriends (the 9th grade ones were by far the funniest), yearbooks, old school projects, prom photos, report cards. You name it, it was in the boxes. (I think I might be a secret hoarder – who saves fifteen boxes full of stuff?!)

I was a little stressed about going through everything. I mean, who wants to throw away memories? But I also knew I couldn’t keep that many boxes at my parents’ house anymore. They laid down the law and said I could keep one box. From fifteen to one. So…I started organizing. A big trash bag at my side, I rifled through my past for hours. And hours. And hours. It takes a LONG time to go through that much stuff. But you know what? It was kind of fun. I had to share some of the goodies from my trash/treasure hunt. I found a note from my friend Jake in 10th grade (something I’m sure he wrote while trying to avoid paying attention in chemistry) and I laughed for ten minutes after reading it. The note says it all:

Then, I found a picture from senior prom. I will say I am about the palest human being on the planet but my family had just gotten home from an awesome beach vacation so I look really tan.

And I found all of my student IDs. These were like hitting the jackpot. You can see how I changed from 8th to 12th grade (except Junior year – my wallet was stolen in 11th grade so that student ID is long gone). Talk about a trip down memory lane.

8th Grade (The year my family moved to Salt Lake City from Bellevue, Washington. That was a HARD, hard year for me.)

9th Grade (Braces off, yay!)

10th Grade (Finally in high school – the 3 year Junior High thing was kind of torture.)

12th Grade (Senior year, ready for the next step at college, but I definitely have good memories of this year.)

Parents Trying to Hard to be Your Friend on Facebook?

Sarah B — Sat, 18 Sep 2010 02:45:45 +0000

Ah, the dilemma of social networking with parents and teens. Sure, your parents want to keep an eye on things, but do you really want them commenting on your wall for all of your other “friends” to see? Probably not. But chances are, your parents just want to talk to you, and there’s a way that will be less painful for everyone involved.

I talked to Tracy Begland, writer for the Dallas Morning News last week, about non-techie ways parents can talk to their teens. If your mom or dad are getting a little friendly on Facebook (or twitter or tumblr), you might just want to forward them her hilarious and totally helpful article, Facebook Won’t Make You Friends With Your Kids. It’s an easy way to get your parents to take the hint while still keeping the lines of communication open.

SheKnows.com names BOYOLOGY and HOW TO RAISE YOUR PARENTS Top Books for Teens!

Sarah B — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 13:42:52 +0000

My books are for teens. I mean, I love when parents tell me they like them or teachers say they are smartly written. But really, my books are for you. I want YOU to get something out of them, to find something that’s going to help you when you have a crush and aren’t sure what to do, or when you need help talking to your parents about getting a later curfew. They really are for you!

So, when a big site like SheKnows.com says that BOYOLOGY and HOW TO RAISE YOUR PARENTS are in the top 5 books for teens/tweens, it means a lot. Parenting expert Melissa Chapman picked both of them in her recent list of top 15 books for preschoolers, kids and teens (they’re in the teen bracket, obviously). And her goal was to pick books that parents could get teens – that teens would actually like! So, this is like a double scoop of rocky road with a cherry on top (and a few chocolate sprinkles). It’s so exciting to have this recommendation from someone like Melissa and a big site like SheKnows, and even bigger that they say teens will like them. Yay!

dear Sarah: Talking Periods…with Mom

Sarah B — Sat, 03 Apr 2010 00:45:03 +0000

Your Question: I know a question like this has already been asked, but I really need some help! I just got my period and I don’t want to tell my mom. I know she’s been in the same position as me – when she was my age – but I know that she’ll make a big deal out of it. She won’t be mad, but she’ll be happy and proud that I’m “finally becoming a woman.” I can’t tell her. I just don’t want to tell her if she’s going to make it such a big deal. What do I do?

Dear Reader,
Sometimes moms (well, all parents for that matter) know just how to embarrass you! You want to keep your period on the down-low but you know you’re mom, and you know that she’s probably going to make a big deal out of it. So how do you talk to her without her overreacting (even if it is in a positive way)?

Why don’t you try writing her a note to get the conversation started? You can take all the time you need to put your feelings and thoughts down, including the fact that you think she’s going to make a bigger deal out of this than you want her to. Be honest and tell her that you want to be able to talk to her, but you need her to be really low-key about it and help make the whole conversation more comfortable. Ask if you can set up a time when just the two of can talk about it (you might have some questions after all, and she’s been dealing with this for years). Then, suggest that when you do talk, you do it somewhere private, so you don’t have to worry about a little brother, your dad, or anyone else barging in. Be sure to leave the note on her pillow or in her makeup drawer – somewhere she’s sure to find it. After your mom gets your note, she’ll have a better sense of where you’re coming from. And she’ll probably even relate a little. Maybe she felt the same way with her mom!

The good side of talking to your mom is that she will have some advice (sometimes cramps and things like that run in the family, so she might really understand your symptoms and feelings) and ultimately make your period easier to handle. She’ll also be able to help keep your supplies well-stocked and make appointments with your doctor when you need them.

Use your note to set the tone of the conversation. Your mom will likely follow your lead. And don’t worry about feeling like this. Remember that it’s your period and it’s ok to feel like you don’t want it blown out of proportion.

Good luck!
xxx
Sarah

The Biggest NYC Teen Author Festival Event EVER!

Sarah B — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:23:06 +0000

That’s right. It’s big. The biggest ever, in fact. 77 authors in one store on one day. How can you miss that? Answer: You can’t.

So, come by Books of Wonder on Sunday, March 21st between 2:00 and 6:00 PM and get books signed by these totally fantastic YA authors. Check below for specific signing times for each author. There are signing shifts in order to fit all the authors in the store. I’ll be there from 2:00-2:45 PM (because B is near the beginning of the alphabet. Loving that!) – and I get to sign with a really cool group.

Books of Wonder is located at 18 W. 18th Street (between 5th and 6th Avenues) in Manhattan.
(Thanks to Book Girl Reviews for putting together this amazing list of all the authors AND their books.)

2:00-2:45
Alma Alexander
- Worldweavers: Gift of the Unmage
- Worldweavers: Spellspam
- Worldweavers: Cybermage
Nora Raleigh Baskin
- Anything But Typical
- What Every Girl (Except Me) Knows
- Almost Home
- All We Know of Love
- The Truth About My Bat Mitzvah
- In the Company of Crazies
- Basketball (or Something Like It)
Cathleen Davitt Bell
- Slipping
- Little Blog on the Prairie (May 11th)
Judy Blundell
- What I saw and How I Lied
Libba Bray
- Going Bovine
- A Great and Terrible Beauty
- Rebel Angels
- The Sweet Far Thing
Coe Booth
- Tyrell
- Kendra
Elise Broach
- Shakespeare’s Secret
- Masterpiece
- Desert Crossing
Alexandra Bullen
- Wish
Nick Burd
- The Vast Fields of Ordinary
Sarah Burningham (that’s me!)
- Boyology: A Teen Girl’s Crash Course in All Things Boy
- How to Raise Your Parents: A Teen Girl’s Survival Guide
Susane Colasanti
- When It Happens
- Take Me There
- Waiting For You
- Something Like Fate (May 4th)
Matt De La Pena
- We Were Here
- Mexican WhiteBoy
- Ball Don’t Lie
- I Will Save You (October 12th)
Violet Haberdasher
- Knightly Academy
Maggie Stiefvater
- Shiver
- Linger (July 20th)
- Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception
- Ballad: A Gathering of Faeries

2:45-3:30
Tom Dolby
- Secret Society
- The Trouble Boy
- The Sixth Form
Heather Duffy-Stone
- This Is What I Want to Tell You
Sarah Beth Durst
- Ice
- Into the Wild
- Out of the Wild
Elizabeth Eulberg
- The Lonely Hearts Club
Gayle Forman
- You Can’t Get There From Here
- If I Stay
- Sisters in Sanity
Aimee Friedman
- Sea Change
- The Year My Sister Got Lucky
- French Kiss
- South Beach
- Hollywood Hills
- A Novel Idea
Jenny Han
- Shug
- The Summer I Turned Pretty
- It’s Not Summer Without You (April 27th)
Alice Hoffman
- The Story Sisters
- The Foretelling
- Practical Magic
- Turtle Moon
- Here on Earth
- Incantation
- Slylight Confessions
- The Ice Queen
Carla Jablonksi
- Silent Echoes
- Thicker Than Water
- The Books of Magic Series
Melissa Kantor
- Girlfriend Material
- Confessions of a Not It Girl
- If I Have a Wicked Stepmother, Where’s My Prince?
- The Breakup Bible
- The Amanda Project
Kristen Kemp
- I Will Survive
- The Dating Diaries
- Breakfast at Bloomingdale’s
Michelle Knudsen
- The Dragon of Trelian
- Library Lion
- Fish and Frog
Peter Lerangis
- WTF
- The Spy X series
- The Watchers series
- The 39 Clues series
David Levithan
- Love is the Higher Law
- The Realm of Possibility
- Boy Meets Boy
- Wide Awake
- Are We There Yet?
- How They Met and Other Stories
- Marly’s Ghost
- Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List
- Nick & Norah’s Inifite Playlist
- Dash & Lily’s Book of Dares (October 12th)

3:30-4:15
Sarah Darer Littman
- Purge
- Confessions of a Closet Catholic
Barry Lyga
- Boy Toy
- Hero-Type
- The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth GIrl
- Goth Girl Rising
- Wolverine: Worst Day Ever
Robin MacCready
- Buried
Carolyn Mackler
- Tangled
- Guyaholic
- Love and Other Four-Letter Words
- Vegan Virgin Valentine
- The Earth, My Butt and Other Big Round Things
Sarah Maclean
- The Season
- Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake (March 30th)
Marianne Mancusi
- Girls That Growl
- Boys That Bite
- Stake That
- Bad Blood
- A Connecticut Fashionista In King Arther’s Court
- A Hoboken Hipster in Sherwood Forest
Amanda Marrone
- Uninvited
- Revealers
- Devoured
Wendy Mass
- Finally
- Leap Day
- A Mango-Shaped Space
- Heaven Looks a Lot Like the Mall
- Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
- 11 Birthdays
- Every Soul A Star
Lauren McLaughlin
- Cycler
- Recylcer
Neesha Meminger
- Shine, Coconut Moon
Sarah Mlynowski
- Fishbowl
- Milkrun
- How To Be Bad
- Gimme a Call (April 27th)
- Parties & Potions
- Frogs & French Kisses
- Bras & Broomsticks
- Spells & Sleeping Bags
- Monkey Business
- As Seen on TV
Michael Northrup
- Beautiful Ecstasy
Robin Palmer
- Little Miss Red
- Cindy Ella
- Geek Charming

4:15-5:00
Diana Peterfreund
- Rampant
- Ascendant (September 28th)
- Tap & Gown (Ivy League Novel)
- Secret Society Girl (Ivy League Novel)
- Under the Rose (Ivy League Novel)
- Rites of Spring (Break)
Shani Petroff
- Daddy’s Little Angel
- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- Careful What You Wish For (June 10th)
- Love Struck (December 23rd)
Olugbemisola Rhuday-Perkovich
- Eighth-Grade Superzero
Matthue Roth
- Losers
- Never Mind the Goldbergs
- Yom Kippur a Go-Go: A Memoir
Marie Rutkoski
- The Cabinet of Wonders
- The Celestial Globe (April 13th)
Lisa Ann Sandell
- A Map of the Known World
- The Weight of the Sky
- Song of the Sparrow
Samantha Schutz
- I Don’t Want To Be Crazy
Elizabeth Scott
- The Unwritten Rule (March 16th)
- Something, Maybe
- Stealing Heaven
- Bloom
- Perfect You
- Living Dead Girl
- Love You, Hate You, Miss You
Kieran Scott
- Geek Magnet
- I Was a Non-Blonde Cheerleader
- A Non-Blonde Cheerleader in Love
- She’s So Dead to Us (May 25th)
- Jingle Boy
- Brunettes Strike Back
Courtney Sheinmel
- Positively
- My So-Called Family
- Sincerely: Sincerely, Sophie; Sincerely, Katie (June 8th)
Sara Shepard
- The Visibles
- Pretty Little Liars series
- All The Things We Didn’t Say
Abby Sher
- Kissing Snowflakes
- Amen, Amen, Amen: Memoir of a Girl Who Couldn’t Stop Praying (Among Other Thing)
Jon Skovron
- Struts & Frets

5:00-5:45
Jennifer Smith
- You Are Here
- The Comeback Season
Natalie Standiford
- How To Say Goodbye In Robot
- The Dating Game series
Rachel Vail
- Gorgeous
- Lucky
- You, Maybe: The Profound Asymmetry of Love in High School
- If We Kiss
- Do Over
David Van Etten
- Likely Story
- All That Glitters
- Red Carpet Riot
Siobhan Vivian
- Same Difference
- A Little Friendly Advice
Adrienne Maria Vrettos
- Skin
- Sight
- The Exile of Gigi Lane (April 6th)
Melissa Walker
- Violet on the Runway
- Violet By Design
- Violet in Private
- Lovestruck Summer
Robin Wasserman
- Skinned
- Crashed
- Wired (September 14th)
- Chasing Yesterday books
- The Seven Deadly Sins series
Suzanne Weyn
- The Diamond Secret
- Reincarnation
- The Night Dance
- The Crimson Thread
- Distant Waves
- The Bar Code Tattoo
- Bar Code Rebellion
- Water Song
Lynn Weingarten
- Wherever Nina Lies
Martin Wilson
- What They Always Tell Us
Jake Wizner
- Spanking Shakespeare
- Castration Celebration
Maryrose Wood
- Why I Let My Hair Grow Out
- How I Found the Perfect Dress
- What I Wore to Save the World
- My Life: The Musical
- Sex Kittens and Horn Dawgs Fall in Love
Michelle Zink
- Prophecy of the Sisters
- Guardian of the Gate (August 1st)

When Boy-Girl Relationships Start to Mean Something Different to Parents

Sarah B — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 17:06:00 +0000

I recently did an interview with a very cool journalist, Myrna Haskell, who has a parenting column that runs in 10 different states. She asked smart questions, all from the parents point-of-view, about what do to when your teenager starts being interested in (gasp!) the opposite sex. Since we’ve all been there (even the parents!), with your mom or dad wanting to know who keeps texting or calling, I thought Myrna’s article might provide some insight for both parent and teen. Here’s hoping it sparks a little conversation and makes for happy relationships!

The article: No More Cooties! When Your Teen is Attracted to the Opposite Sex.

Why Chris Brown’s Video “Apology” is NOT Enough

Sarah B — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:29:48 +0000

I’m shocked that Chris Brown released a video apology expressing “deep regret” for assaulting Rihanna (on TMZ, no less). Does he really think that a video about how his mom taught him better makes up for the fact that he’s abusive? Being sorry, while an important step towards change, does not dismiss the fact that he beat his girlfriend. It doesn’t make anything better. And frankly, I don’t care about how much “soul searching” he’s done. His behavior is unacceptable. Period.

This might sound harsh, but abusive relationships are no joke, and abusive behavior can’t be tolerated on any level, by anyone. I’m not privy to details of Chris and Rihanna’s personal relationship, and I hope he’s enough of a man to apologize directly to her and not just his fans, but I also hope she doesn’t take him back. Not because she has to be an example for other women (even though she’s become one by default), but because no woman should be with a man who doesn’t respect her enough to keep his hands off of her.

I wanted to share this Teen Dating Bill of Rights, courtesy of LoveisRespect.org – a national teen dating abuse hotline. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive relationship or is in a relationship that seems like it’s on the verge of becoming abusive, please talk to some you trust. Get some help. There are guys out there who will treat you right and you deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and happy.

Teen Dating Bill of Rights

I have the right:

To always be treated with respect – In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
To be in a healthy relationship – A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
To not be hurt physically or emotionally – You should feel safe in your relationship at all times.
Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault – Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
To refuse sex or affection at anytime – A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions.
You have the right to not have sex – Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend – Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
To end a relationship – You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.

I pledge to:

Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection.
Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.