My first real heartbreak (aside from my little girl crush on Robbie, an older boy who lived down the street) was in high school. I broke up with my boyfriend (yes, I did the breaking) because I was interested in someone else. Hey, high school is a time to figure out what works for you! I was enjoying my senior year without being seriously attached but every time I saw my old boyfriend, I had pangs. I missed him. I really had loved him. And so, when one night he called and asked me to get back together, I said yes. And that’s when the bomb dropped. Less than a minute later, he said (and I’m quoting here), “Oh, I don’t really want to get back together. I just wanted to see if you would do it.” A real charmer, right?

I had some choice words for him – words I won’t share here. But really, I was embarrassed and my heart was broken. I felt like he’d taken my feelings and the 10 or so months we had been together, and kicked them down the street like you would a random pebble. The next day was hard. The day after hard still. But days and weeks later, things got less hard. Good, even. Better than they would’ve been if I would’ve stayed with someone who was willing to hurt me like that. But in the moment, during that phone conversation that left me heaving sobs so loudly my mom came into the room to see if I was actually dying, I never thought I would things would get better. Heartbreak sucks, plain and simple.

Because it’s something that we all have to deal with, I get a lot of questions from parents on how they can handle it when their teenagers are going through a hard break-up or the ups and downs of love. It’s one thing to handle heartbreak of your own, another when someone you love (like your kid or even a friend) is going through it. So when Claire Jeffreys emailed me about an article she was writing for parents on teen heartbreak, I had to talk to her. The resulting article, Spring Fling: How to Handle Your Teen’s First Heartbreak, is a must-read, both for you and your parents. Even if you’re not dealing with heartbreak right now, you will at some point. (Sorry, it’s true.) So forward your parents this article for safekeeping and when the time comes, remind yourself that it will get better. It’s hard, but you’ll be ok in the end and it’s not all bad. A lot of good things actually come out of heartbreak. For me, it was knowing that I didn’t want to date anyone who would treat me like that – even when we were breaking up. For Shakespeare, it was amazing poetry. For Bob Dillon, it was Blood on the Tracks. You get the idea.

Q: What are specific pressures from guys?
Q: How do I avoid physical pressure from guys?
Q: How can I get out of a bad sitch with a guy?
Q: My BF wants to go farther – should we break-up?
Q:What are characteristics to look for in a ‘good’ BF?
Q: How can I hang with him without pressure?

Here’s a sneak-peak at the article, but to see the whole thing, you’ve got to get the magazine. Don’t worry, it’s still on newsstands. And if you have other questions, you can email me or the editors at TWIST! But no matter what, remember that no one, NO ONE, should pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do. You deserve respect from guys (and everyone else) so you can have fun and be yourself!

Anyway, when Aimee asked me for my prom pic, I was all in. I will admit, I loved my dress. Loved it. How often do you wear floor length velvet and satin? Not that often, unless you’re Vanna White (who is STILL on Wheel of Fortune, by the way). And, how often does a nice guy, the guy you have a crush on your senior year, pick you up in a nice car, wearing a tux, give you flowers and a corsage, and then take you to a cheesy room (our prom was at the Capital Rotunda – actually pretty classy for a prom) filled with streamers and bad DJ remixes of the Police and Peter Gabriel.

Actually, our prom theme was “In the Arms of an Angel” based on the Sarah McLachlan song that’s now the theme for animal cruelty. I don’t know who picked that (maybe I voted for it, for all I remember) but at the time, I thought it was very sophisticated. Just goes to show you – tastes can change (thank goodness).

I will also admit that even though I loved my dress, I had a hair disaster a mere hour and a half before my date came to pick me up. A debacle. A total hair nightmare.

Thinking I would be chic like the girls you see in Teen Vogue who look like supermodels going to their proms, I made an appointment with a hairdresser for an up-do. I am NOT an up-do kind of girl. At least I wasn’t then. And now, I only go for up-dos when my hair is dirty and must be pulled back into a bun or I will pull it all out. So, 2 hours before my date comes to get me, I plop myself down in the stylist chair at a local salon. I tell the hairdresser I want to look glamorous. I want to look like the girl in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (couldn’t remember her name in the midst of my prom-ness). The hairdresser smiled, put one of those gross, slick robes over me, and went to work. Not a word. But I thought we were on the same page.

I was wrong. We weren’t even on the same planet. 40 minutes later (amazing how long horror can take to create), she whipped my chair around so I was facing the mirror. I nearly screamed. There I was. Not Tiffany or Holly Golightly or whatever her name is. I was Medusa. I was the devil’s spawn. The hairdresser had wrapped small pieces of hair into what seemed to be tiny dreadlocks and pinned them all over my head. It looked like my hair had come alive and was covered in snakes eating my head. I almost passed out. Thankfully, I was sitting down. But, I didn’t cry – at least not in front of her. I said it was “interesting” (now, my go-to word for WTF!), I forked over the precious, hard-earned $25 I owed her for her “styling,” and I drove home in tears. (Very unsafe by the way. Do not follow my example.)

My mom, honest to the core, was horrified for me. She told me not to worry and to go jump in the shower – hurry! – I could just wear my hair half-up, like I did every other day of my teenage life. She also gave me some solid advice – stop crying or your eyes will be puffy for the entire dance. Sometimes moms are just smart like that.

I thought it was going to be the worst dance ever. But you know what? It was fun. And I wasn’t worried about my hair-do getting messed up while I was dancing because it wasn’t done. You can’t mess up hair that isn’t done to begin with. So I could actually dance. Which means, I actually had a good time. Was it the best night of my life (like you see in so many made-for-tv movies)? No. But it was good. And looking back at the photos, I’m kind of glad I look like myself and not Holly Golightly. (Ok, that’s a lie – I would still kill to look like Holly Golightly/Audrey Hepburn, but you get what I’m going for.)

Your Question: I’m a generally a good person and a good girl. I don’t lie to my parents. I don’t really misbehave. My average in school is 104 and I rank #1. I have to be a physician. And I’ve never really had any interests in boys until my junior year. The guy’s name Mark and I’ve known him since freshmen year. He’s fit, and is really handsome with dimples to match. He’s 16 like me and he gets by in the institute with 85s and 90s but a lot of the time, he’s a kind of like a bad boy and is a little immature. He actually came to class with a hickey on his neck. I liked him but he found out and he asked me out but I said no because my parents doesn’t allow me to date until I’m out of high school. Now he asked me out again and said that he tied to impress me by getting 101 average, taking up music, joining sports teams and club. I didn’t know that he was pushing for me so much. I want to say yes so bad but I can’t lie to my parents and date him behind their backs. I haven’t talked to them about it, but they won’t let me date him. They’re really protective of me because I’ve had bone and lung cancer. What should I do? We’re both 16. And I really don’t want to stray from my studies.

Dear Reader,
The parent-boyfriend battle is almost like a time-honored tradition. I can’t tell you how many times I disagreed with my own parents about how old I should be when I started dating and which guys were right for me. Your parents just want to keep you safe. They still think of you as their little girl — even though you’re 16 now, with a totally normal and healthy interest in guys. The fact that you’re a lung cancer survivor is incredible! But it probably doesn’t lessen their need to keep you close to home. You’ve all been through a lot, and they want to make sure you’re OK.

Start things off slow with Mark. Become friends first and see how things go. By easing into things with him, you can also ease your parents in. If he’s your friend first, they’ll have a chance to get to know him, and you’ll have a chance to see if you’re really interested in a relationship. And, you can keep your studies in focus at the same time. Then, if you’re ready to take the leap into a more serious relationship, you’ll be ready — and you’ll be able to help your parents adjust. Timing and honesty are everything.

Just remember, life is really all about balance. You’re smart to think about your long-term priorities, but you also have to follow your heart, and there is a way to do both. Trust yourself, and you’ll be just fine.
xxx
Sarah

You know that saying “actions speak louder than words?” Well, it’s true for parents, too. I mean how many times has your mom said not to talk on your cell phone while driving but she chats away on the freeway? If parents expect teens to really do what they say they’re going to (or not), then they also need to. Not only will it help your communication (which one survey says is not so good) it’s just the right thing to do.

It was based on that Sarah McLachlan song, appropriately titled Angel (duh) and we had it at the State Capitol building. It was a gorgeous setting, marble pillars and staircases, and the dance floor was under the rotunda. But I didn’t appreciate my date reminding me that the capitol building wasn’t at all earthquake proof. During the most romantic dance of the night, I was envisioning the rotunda collapsing on the entire senior class of Skyline High School in a pile of bricks.

Not to say I didn’t have a good time. And I think the best part was that I went with a really fun guy and great group. We didn’t spend a fortune – no limos – but did pool together money to rent out a small gym so after the dance we could play racketball and swim and run wild through the locker rooms. (Ok, our dates pooled the money together, but I happen to know it didn’t cost them their arms and legs.)

We knew other kids who rented hot air balloons, reserved full movie theaters, and spent more money than I can imagine trying to make their proms a “night to remember.” And really, I think it’s a waste of perfectly good, hard-earned cash. Since when does prom night have to be “the best night of your life?” And why would anyone want to spend every penny in their bank account on one night? Especially when you read articles like this one about programs that help kids who’s parents can’t afford to hand over the credit card (note: mine probably could’ve, but definitely weren’t willing to and they were smart not to). I love the idea that this program is helping girls who’s parents are unemployed get prom dresses. Prom shouldn’t be something that only ”well off” people get to experience.

So, I guess what I’m saying, is before you get caught up in the insanity that can be prom, think about all the other things you’d rather spend $200 on other than dinner for four at the fanciest restaurant you know. And remember that creativity is worth a lot more than a limo. The best dance I ever went to was in the fall and after we left the actual dance, we went laser-tagging. $10 a person for an hour of serious fun. (And a great way to flirt!) Now that’s how prom should be. It doesn’t take a ton of cash to have a good time.

Question:
My best friend broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago and he just asked our other friend to go out with him. And our other friend said yes! So my one friend is all upset that she’s betraying her friendship and the other friend says she really likes the guy but how can she if he was with our other friend for so long? I’m stuck in the middle and I don’t want to pick sides. What should I do?

- Mia

**Note: the names of all teenagers in the "Ask Sarah B" section have been changed to protect individual’s privacy

Question:
There is this guy I really like that rides my bus. Today when my friend and I were sitting on the bus he came over and asked to sit by us. My friend knows I like him so of course she said yes and she made him sit in the middle of us. But, word also got around and I think he knows I like him.

Also, to add to this mess he has a girlfriend. Anyways, he usually sits by another girl on the bus and the other girl sits on his legs. This annoys me because, obviously, I like him, and because he is going out with someone else.

Also, my older brother rides the bus so in these situations it makes it a little awkward. I don’t know what I should do. Should I let him sit with me? What should I do about the girl that sits on his legs? Should I talk to him? I am really confused. HELP!!

- Andrea

**Note: the names of all teenagers in the "Ask Sarah B" section have been changed to protect individual’s privacy

Question:
So I like this boy and have for about 4 years! I know. I am in almost all his classes, I go to the same church…I
see him everywhere. I am really afraid to tell him I like
him myself. I don’t want to flat out ask him out,
because then I will be heartbroken if he says no. I think he likes this other
girl in my class but I am not sure. She like him, though, its so obvious. She
is pretty and everything. I don’t know what to do.

Should I tell him I like him?
Should I try to forget him?
Get my friend to ask him?

 I am kinda shy so I don’t know if I would be able to tell him…
–Kelly

**Note: the names of all teenagers in the "Ask Sarah B" section have been changed to protect individual’s privacy

So read the article and let me know what you think. Oh, and will you sign up for my Sarah Says newsletter? Pretty please? Just look in the upper right hand corner and sign on up. My newsletter has exclusive Q&As with teenagers, experts, and even an occasional cool give-away! And if you think of anything I should cover in my newsletter or in my blog, let me know. You really are the experts, you know!