Anyway, when Aimee asked me for my prom pic, I was all in. I will admit, I loved my dress. Loved it. How often do you wear floor length velvet and satin? Not that often, unless you’re Vanna White (who is STILL on Wheel of Fortune, by the way). And, how often does a nice guy, the guy you have a crush on your senior year, pick you up in a nice car, wearing a tux, give you flowers and a corsage, and then take you to a cheesy room (our prom was at the Capital Rotunda – actually pretty classy for a prom) filled with streamers and bad DJ remixes of the Police and Peter Gabriel.

Actually, our prom theme was “In the Arms of an Angel” based on the Sarah McLachlan song that’s now the theme for animal cruelty. I don’t know who picked that (maybe I voted for it, for all I remember) but at the time, I thought it was very sophisticated. Just goes to show you – tastes can change (thank goodness).

I will also admit that even though I loved my dress, I had a hair disaster a mere hour and a half before my date came to pick me up. A debacle. A total hair nightmare.

Thinking I would be chic like the girls you see in Teen Vogue who look like supermodels going to their proms, I made an appointment with a hairdresser for an up-do. I am NOT an up-do kind of girl. At least I wasn’t then. And now, I only go for up-dos when my hair is dirty and must be pulled back into a bun or I will pull it all out. So, 2 hours before my date comes to get me, I plop myself down in the stylist chair at a local salon. I tell the hairdresser I want to look glamorous. I want to look like the girl in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (couldn’t remember her name in the midst of my prom-ness). The hairdresser smiled, put one of those gross, slick robes over me, and went to work. Not a word. But I thought we were on the same page.

I was wrong. We weren’t even on the same planet. 40 minutes later (amazing how long horror can take to create), she whipped my chair around so I was facing the mirror. I nearly screamed. There I was. Not Tiffany or Holly Golightly or whatever her name is. I was Medusa. I was the devil’s spawn. The hairdresser had wrapped small pieces of hair into what seemed to be tiny dreadlocks and pinned them all over my head. It looked like my hair had come alive and was covered in snakes eating my head. I almost passed out. Thankfully, I was sitting down. But, I didn’t cry – at least not in front of her. I said it was “interesting” (now, my go-to word for WTF!), I forked over the precious, hard-earned $25 I owed her for her “styling,” and I drove home in tears. (Very unsafe by the way. Do not follow my example.)

My mom, honest to the core, was horrified for me. She told me not to worry and to go jump in the shower – hurry! – I could just wear my hair half-up, like I did every other day of my teenage life. She also gave me some solid advice – stop crying or your eyes will be puffy for the entire dance. Sometimes moms are just smart like that.

I thought it was going to be the worst dance ever. But you know what? It was fun. And I wasn’t worried about my hair-do getting messed up while I was dancing because it wasn’t done. You can’t mess up hair that isn’t done to begin with. So I could actually dance. Which means, I actually had a good time. Was it the best night of my life (like you see in so many made-for-tv movies)? No. But it was good. And looking back at the photos, I’m kind of glad I look like myself and not Holly Golightly. (Ok, that’s a lie – I would still kill to look like Holly Golightly/Audrey Hepburn, but you get what I’m going for.)

But, there have been some gems from all this stuff. Last night, I got a serious laugh going through my high school yearbooks. You know that feeling on yearbook day? When you pass your yearbook around and secretly hope the guy you’ve had a crush on all year will admit he’s always loved you too? Or that your best frenemy will apologize for those biting “compliments” she gave you all year?

Well, those were in there. But even better, it turns out my now husband also signed my yearbook. We didn’t ever date, but we had math together, and sewing, although I think he showed up in sewing class a total of 3 or 4 times the entire semester. (PS: how does sewing count as a class anyway? But, I digress.)

So, last night, I discovered that my now husband, total love of my life (I just didn’t know it as a teenager), actually signed my high school yearbook. For the record, we didn’t start dating until after he came home from college the summer after freshman year, but I was crazy in love after the first date. Also for the record, we didn’t get married until well into our mid-twenties. Early for some but right for us. I tell you all this because it’s totally relevant to his yearbook message. You have to see for yourselves:

I’m now on a mission to find his yearbooks from high school to see what I wrote. (He didn’t save any of that stuff because unlike me, he’s not a secret hoarder, but I’m dying to know if I had something so prescient to say.)

I was a little stressed about going through everything. I mean, who wants to throw away memories? But I also knew I couldn’t keep that many boxes at my parents’ house anymore. They laid down the law and said I could keep one box. From fifteen to one. So…I started organizing. A big trash bag at my side, I rifled through my past for hours. And hours. And hours. It takes a LONG time to go through that much stuff. But you know what? It was kind of fun. I had to share some of the goodies from my trash/treasure hunt. I found a note from my friend Jake in 10th grade (something I’m sure he wrote while trying to avoid paying attention in chemistry) and I laughed for ten minutes after reading it. The note says it all:

Then, I found a picture from senior prom. I will say I am about the palest human being on the planet but my family had just gotten home from an awesome beach vacation so I look really tan.

And I found all of my student IDs. These were like hitting the jackpot. You can see how I changed from 8th to 12th grade (except Junior year – my wallet was stolen in 11th grade so that student ID is long gone). Talk about a trip down memory lane.

8th Grade (The year my family moved to Salt Lake City from Bellevue, Washington. That was a HARD, hard year for me.)

9th Grade (Braces off, yay!)

10th Grade (Finally in high school – the 3 year Junior High thing was kind of torture.)

12th Grade (Senior year, ready for the next step at college, but I definitely have good memories of this year.)

]]> http://sarahburningham.com/2011/01/going-back-to-high-school-in-boxes/feed/ 4 http://sarahburningham.com/2010/03/dear-sarah-kissing-101/ http://sarahburningham.com/2010/03/dear-sarah-kissing-101/#comments Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:24:30 +0000 Sarah B http://sarahburningham.com/?p=832 Your Question: My boyfriend and I just started dating. He asked me on a date and I know he will kiss me but it’s been like 6 months since I have kissed a guy and I don’t remember how!! What in the world do I do?

Dear Reader,
First-kiss jitters can make you really nervous about “the moment,” even when you want (and are expecting) the kiss! So the first thing you’ve got to do is stop worrying. It sounds like you really like this guy, and that’s the main ingredient for a good kiss — chemistry. And since it’s there, the rest will come together when the two of you start to kiss.

You see, kissing is like riding a bike. Even when you haven’t ridden one in a long time, once you get back on, it comes right back to you. The same thing will happen when your new boyfriend kisses you. You’ll suddenly remember how to do it, even if you are a little nervous. And sometimes, getting back on the bike (or kissing again after a six-month break) makes you look at things in a new way (like a cute new guy), and you’re even better at it!

The fun part is that everyone has a slightly different kissing style, so your new boyfriend might kiss a little bit differently than your last one — and that’s OK. Don’t feel the need to kiss a certain way. Try to enjoy the moment and relax a little. Kissing is meant to be fun! And if things aren’t perfect the first time — say you two bump teeth or he goes in and accidentally kisses your ear instead of your lips (these things can happen with even the best of kissers!) — just smile and laugh a little. If you’re comfortable, he will be more comfortable, and that makes for much better kissing. The key is that you really like each other. And what could be better than kissing someone you’re crazy about?

Have fun!

xxx
Sarah

Your Question:

Dear Reader,
That’s a tricky one. Do you tell your friend and risk him being angry and taking it out on you? Or do you keep quiet and let him find his own way, knowing that eventually he’ll find out his girlfriend’s been cheating?

When it comes to dilemmas like these — tricky situations that could ruin a friendship — you should ask yourself two questions.

First, what’s your real reason for wanting to spill the beans? Think of it like this: Do you want to tell your friend his girlfriend is cheating because a little part of you might want to be his girlfriend? Be honest with yourself. If your reasoning is at all selfish, then you just need to stay out of it. And keep in mind that, most of the time, getting in the way of a relationship just makes things messier — not just for that relationship, but for your friendship too.

That said, here comes Question No. 2: What would you want a friend to do if the situation were reversed? Take this particular friend out of it and imagine you’re dating someone totally different and a friend comes to tell you he’s cheating. You might be suspicious, and you might take your hurt feelings out on the friend. Or you might be grateful that someone had the guts to tell you before you got too deep into the relationship.

Since every situation — and every friendship — is different, there’s a different way to handle this every time. Just think long and hard before you make the decision to break the news. If you do tell your guy friend, be sure to do it in private and, no matter what, DO NOT trash-talk the girlfriend. Keep it to facts, because it’s hard to hear that your girlfriend is cheating on you, even if it’s true. There’s no need to rub it in.

Good luck!
xxx
Sarah

dear Sarah,

-Frustrated in Florida

Dear Frustrated in Florida,

First of all, good for you, standing your ground. You’re smart not to let anyone push you farther than you want to go. It’s hard to do, especially when you really care about someone and it sounds like you really cared about this guy. I’m sorry he doesn’t have enough class to talk to you face-to-face about breaking up. Even though you know now that he isn’t good enough for you, it still hurts to have someone treat you badly.

I know it’s not going to help the hurt, but you got lucky finding out what kind of person this guy is before you let the relationship go any farther. Anyone who is not adult enough to deal with your limits is not the kind of person you want to be in a relationship with.

My advice is to give yourself some more time to get over him and get this bad breakup out of your system. And I want to remind you that there are decent guys out there—guys who will respect your boundaries and love you for who you are, not how far you’re willing to go. So don’t give up on guys completely! When you’re ready, you’ll know. Until then, don’t be too hard yourself and take the time you need before moving on.

xxx
Sarah

The article: No More Cooties! When Your Teen is Attracted to the Opposite Sex.

Your Question: Ok so I really, really, really like this guy who happens to be one of my best friends and I’ve known him my whole entire life our families are really good friends. We don’t go to the same school but I see him on weekends with our families. I want to tell him that I like him and I have tried a couple of times but I got to nervous. Any ideas on how to tell him?

Thanks!
Annabeth

Dear Annabeth,
Crushing on a friend can be really nerve-wracking but it makes total sense. After all, you know him really well, as a friend first, and he probably knows you well, too. You know his sense of humor, what makes him nervous or upset, and how he treats his family – all important things to know about a potential boyfriend.

Since it can be overwhelming to come right out and say that you like someone, you can start dropping some pretty obvious hints that you like him.

First, since it sounds like you spend most of your time hanging out around your families, try suggesting that the two of you do something different. Not an official date, but maybe there’s a movie that you want to see or a school activity you want him to come to. If he seems up for being with you in a new situation, it’s a good sign that he might have feelings for you, too. See how it goes. If he seems to respond to your flirting (and is flirting back!), you’ll be able to tell if there might be a future for you two as a couple.

And then comes the big part – really telling him how you feel! Yes, you have to do it at some point. After all, you want to be able to be honest and straightforward in a relationship. But you can wait to profess your love until you’ve tested him out a little. Go out a few times and introduce him in to your life during the week. You’ll know when the moment is right. And in the meantime, have a great time getting to know him better and hanging out in different places. The process leading up to the relationship can be really fun, so enjoy it!

xxx
Sarah

dear sarah,

Sincerely,
Girl with a Confused Heart

Dear Girl with a Confused Heart,
Sometimes uncertainty can drive you crazy! That in-between feeling—when you’re not exactly sure of what you want and you can’t tell what he’s thinking—is almost worse than flat-out heartbreak. But when you’re having doubts about whether or not you like a guy, it means you might not be all that into him, and that’s a good first sign of where your heart is. Don’t worry that you liked him 6 months ago when you first started dating. You’re allowed to change your mind. In fact, that’s why dating and breaking-up go hand in hand. First you like someone, then you get to know him better and you end up either liking him more or not as much. That’s what dating is all about! And if you don’t ever see each other, maybe that’s another sign it’s
time to move on. I’m not saying break-ups are easy. In fact, even when you’re ready for them, they can be hard. But you won’t be in a position to meet the next guy you might really like if you stay with someone you don’t.

xxx
Sarah