You can’t talk about relationships today without also talking about hooking up. And even though I do a lot of talking about teen relationships, it’s not just a teen thing. Most of my friends - successful, smart and pretty women in the their late 20s and early 30s – also talk about hooking up. In the middle of watching The Proposal last weekend, my friend C leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I would totally hook up with Ryan Reynolds.” I giggled. I’m sure almost every girl in the theater was thinking the same thing.
But what does “I would totally hook up with him” really mean?
Teen Vogue jumps right into the issue with a new article Modern Romance. The tell-all subtitle, From Kissing to ‘Sexting’ – Today’s Hook Up Culture is Changing How Teens Think About Relationships, is guaranteed to raise eyebrows. But when you start reading, you realize that there isn’t one (and only one) pervasive hook-up culture because there isn’t actually one definition of hooking up. For one girl it’s just making out, for another it could be anything and everything except sex. That’s a big difference covered by one very commonly used term.
So what does that mean for you?
The one common denominator in hooking up is that it doesn’t lead to a relationship. You aren’t going to make-out with some guy and wow him with your kissing prowess (even though you probably are a fab kisser). It just doesn’t work that way. So before you hook up with with someone, make sure you know what you want to get out of it and what you’re comfortable with. Do you want this guy to take you out next weekend? Are you expecting him to text later saying how good it was to talk to you? 99.9 % of the time, hooking up isn’t going to get you any of this – that’s just not the expectation that’s set up around it. It’s a one-time deal with a one-time guy. And most of the time, you want better than that. But you have to decide for yourself. Don’t let him – or even “the cool kids” as they’re called in the article – make you feel like hooking up isn’t a big deal. When something involves you, it’s always a big deal. And hooking up is ultimately all about you.
3 Comments
Thanks Sarah – great post. I always dwell on the meanings on phrases like ‘hook up’. And yes, I would definitely want to hook up with Ryan Reynolds
So glad you liked it – and I feel the same way about Ryan Reynolds. He’s just my type.
I just finished Boyology (working on the review at the moment – it was fantastic), and I really like the way you dealt with ‘hooking up’ in the book.
I’m fifteen, and my friends put a huge amount of emphasis on hooking up at parties. It’s not something I get, or would consider; I think there’s a great deal of peer pressure involved, and it’s kind of expected of you (and I have to say, as soon as people expect me to do something to be ‘normal’, I’ll avoid it like the plague).